Share your opening sentence!

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shadow
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Share your opening sentence!

Postby shadow » 12 Feb 2010, 18:39

Ok guys I thought this would be fun! You never know when you need to improve your hook right? So this is how it works. The person who posts (in this case me) posts their opening sentence and the next person rates your first sentence from 1/10 on the scale of whether you would continiue off that sentence. In the same post you paste your opening and the next person rates and posts. Simple right? Ok here goes mine.

Vitiosus gazed at his father’s cold, light grey eyes, and for once realized that he would never be like the blood-thirsty king.
All things writing, visit my blog http://arielemerald.blogspot.com/

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NHWriter
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby NHWriter » 12 Feb 2010, 19:01

From the manuscript I'm currently soliciting:

William Henderson wears pants and a suit coat.


From the manuscript I'm currently writing:

Nashau had never been in a city as large as Tinadian.

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Terry Towery
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby Terry Towery » 12 Feb 2010, 19:42

First sentence frm my wip:

The boy plopped his backpack onto the floor just outside the stall closest to the window and deftly slipped the Heckler-Koch G36 mini assault rifle from its hiding place between his American History book and a pair of balled-up sweatpants.

Nick
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby Nick » 12 Feb 2010, 20:14

Note that this is the first draft of my WIP, so it may be subject to change.

"Standing on the corner of Haymarket Drive and West Main Street, Staff Inspector Paul Beckett cursed to himself as he lit the last cigarette in his pack."

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cassandrabonmot
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby cassandrabonmot » 12 Feb 2010, 20:19

1973. The year of disco: Afro wigs, platform heels and strobe lights.

This is my opening sentence for my romantic comedy novel called 'Jackpot.'

r louis scott
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby r louis scott » 12 Feb 2010, 21:47

I left the Roman road while the sun was still low in the east and warming my back.


OK, so far no one has made me put their book back on the shelf and move on. I think it is kind of hard to give a 1 out of 10 rating to a single sentence, but so far shadow's is my favorite.

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Josin
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby Josin » 12 Feb 2010, 22:40

We're all immortal until we die.

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maybegenius
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby maybegenius » 12 Feb 2010, 23:01

Josin wrote:We're all immortal until we die.


No one's been rating these so far, but I'd give this one an 8 or 9. Love it! I'd definitely keep going.

Here's mine:

Sometimes the world is so cold my voice freezes in the air and shatters.
aka S.E. Sinkhorn, or Steph

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Represented by Michelle Andelman of Regal Literary

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marilyn peake
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby marilyn peake » 12 Feb 2010, 23:50

maybegenius - I love your sentence! I give it a 9.

Here's mine, first sentence of my published short story, REPO GIRL AND THE FORTUNE FAERIE: "A brilliant half-moon cut through clouds like a scythe, retreating into blackness."
Marilyn Peake

Novels: THE FISHERMAN’S SON TRILOGY and GODS IN THE MACHINE. Numerous short stories. Contributor to BOOK: THE SEQUEL. Editor of several additional books. Awards include Silver Award, 2007 ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards.

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Lorelei Armstrong
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby Lorelei Armstrong » 13 Feb 2010, 01:13

From the new one:

David Lowell told his mum that having a seizure felt like falling asleep, even though he didn’t know what falling asleep felt like; he never remembered.

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NHWriter
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby NHWriter » 13 Feb 2010, 07:09

maybegenius wrote:
Josin wrote:We're all immortal until we die.


Sometimes the world is so cold my voice freezes in the air and shatters.


This is my favorite so far as well.

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dementedtinkerbell
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby dementedtinkerbell » 13 Feb 2010, 07:15

This is mine from my WIP:

I looked at the two lines and swore by all that's unholy that if I ever got hold of him again, I would throttle the bastard.
Me to my girl: You're grounded until you're dead
Her: You mean 'til you're dead right?
Me: No, I'll enforce it from beyond the grave
Her: *gulp*

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cassandrabonmot
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby cassandrabonmot » 13 Feb 2010, 08:34

Maybegenius,

Love it. 9 or 10!! I def keep reading. Good job!

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cassandrabonmot
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby cassandrabonmot » 13 Feb 2010, 08:36

Josin,

Fantastic opening line. (9 or 10)!! More, more!

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BuddyBeagle
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Re: Share your opening sentence!

Postby BuddyBeagle » 13 Feb 2010, 09:09

FAT BASTARD makes lounging on the chaise and watching Monday Night Football entertaining, easy and erotic with his new revolutionary dating manual.


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