maybegenius - I love your sentence! I give it a 9.
Here's mine, first sentence of my published short story, REPO GIRL AND THE FORTUNE FAERIE: "A brilliant half-moon cut through clouds like a scythe, retreating into blackness."
Novels: THE FISHERMAN’S SON TRILOGY and GODS IN THE MACHINE. Numerous short stories. Contributor to BOOK: THE SEQUEL. Editor of several additional books. Awards include Silver Award, 2007 ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Awards.