I think a better question would be: does this sound like this seven year old?
“What have you dreamt about this time, little one?” she (her mother) asked.
“My dreams are my fantasies, mother,” defiant and secretive the little girl said even though her soul yearned to share her strange, vivid dream with her, but not now, maybe later.Grace looked around the large room. The wooden bed on the other side was empty.
“Has Aurora awakened already?” She turned to her mother.
Watcher55 wrote:A seven year old has seven year old motives. They don't usually think about maybe later. They think about telling someone safe, like an imaginary friend, or a pet. Grown ups usually have to finesse such information.
they had a problem with her speech whenever she spoke?
“Let’s consider your age to begin with—how old are you?” asked the White Queen.
“I’m seven and a half exactly,” said Alice.
Did your readers object to these lines because they seemed out of character within the context of this character? In other words are these the only lines that stood out to them as not being "like a seven-year-old child would speak" or does she speak like this through the book and they had a problem with her speech whenever she spoke?
I think this may be one of the examples of how beta readers sometimes point out "problems" that aren't really problems at all. Unless a problem a reader identifies is something you can quickly say "oh yeah, geez, I didn't realize that" to it's always wise to get multiple opinions before making changes.
Do you have other readers who didn't have an issue with these lines?
I find the dialogue awkward because I can't imagine a seven year old calling their mother "mother"
or using the word "awakened" instead of "woke up."
but then that depends on how she is raised.
a little LESS adultish it might help you out and help the readers feel like she IS a seven year old.
Guardian wrote:but then that depends on how she is raised.
This was the primary reason why I created the dialogues on this way, to present she has a really good background and she was raised well.a little LESS adultish it might help you out and help the readers feel like she IS a seven year old.
Less adultish could be good, but sometimes children are acting like their parents, especially if they want to be like them. This is what I wanted to highlight in that scenario. A talented, well raised and intelligent girl who is a bit smarter then a normal seven years old.
Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot], Yahoo [Bot] and 2 guests