Title: Psi-kick: Red Utopia
Genre: Sci-fi Crime Thriller
There is no sky in the New York Arcology. In this expensive neighborhood should "expensive" be shown instead of stated?, a long orange plasma tube on the high ceiling substitutes for the sun. The foreign light is hard on my tired eyes even with my HUD sunglasses. The morphing lenses are currently tinted to “hangover dark”; inside a heads-up-display is scrolling "inside a heads-up display is scrolling" reads awkwardly local police bulletins. Most cops forego the glasses display in favor of a neural wirejob, but Psi-kicks don’t like to implant things in their heads, so I go with the spiffy shades. I found this opening paragraph a bit choppy, and I think it's because I'm not sure why we need to know so much about the glasses right off the bat. It doesn't seem to fit the story, and the progression from artificial sky to glasses to there are things scrolling inside (but what specifically doesn't seem important) and then explaining why the character is wearing the glasses instead of a neural wirejob. I'm just not sure it feels like a logical progression for a first paragraph, and I wonder if the explanation about the glasses should come elsewhere, when their role in the story comes into play
Like most of the middle class, I sleep only eight hours a week, but for me it’s long overdue. There’s no rest for a Psi-cop when another young girl has vanished. Same Modus Operandi as two previous in the last 48 hours Not sure what "Same MO as two previous" means. En route I found the missing girl’s picture and provided it to the press; "and" or a period here. Semi-colon awkward it’s already being broadcast on every news node, Worldweb domain, and holovid in North America, if not the civilized world. Not one burly thug sitting in a ghetto porn theater has escaped word "has escaped word" reads awkwardly that this fourteen year old girl has been kidnapped.
Nevertheless, as before no Neverthless, as before no" reads awkwardly reliable calls, no promising tips. Nothing.
It’s best that Michelle and I got out of the Psi-kick dormitory. The rage that’s in me now would have everyone there on edge. As is, I feel a little sorry for Michelle. She too is Psi-kick, and trying real hard to hold in tears of frustration. My emotions on top of that aren’t doing her any good.
Not one burly thug sitting in a ghetto porn theater has escaped word is unaware that this fourteen year old girl has been kidnapped.
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