Crit partner needed for YA Dystopian

Critique partners are worth their weight in gold. So (checking financial page) like $20,000 a pound.
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katbrauer
Posts: 32
Joined: December 15th, 2009, 4:42 am
Location: Japan
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Crit partner needed for YA Dystopian

Post by katbrauer » September 7th, 2010, 9:28 am

And also any other things I may come up with in the future.

I'm looking for someone who wants to work beyond one particular project, i.e., someone who would like to become a friend in addition to a crit partner :). Also, this particular project still needs to get to Second Draft Stage, so I have roughly a month of twiddling my thumbs while it vegges. Thus, if you have something you want checked, I'll have a quick-quick turnover.

I'd be interested in reading any YA, romance, fantasy, or sci-fi. Huzzah!

In any case, about the project itself...

It's a futuristic dystopian featuring a fifteen-year-old ballerina whose world is turned upside-down when she meets two Dets--people from outside the Tower she's lived in her whole life. If there are any dancers or former dancers (not even necessarily ballet!), that would be A GREAT help. As everything I know about ballet I learned from the interwebs. :)

Here is the first page (only lightly edited, sooooorrryyyy):
The violent screech of the strings tingled up Kaylee’s fingers, stretching her arm out, making her fingers shake as she reached for Yusuf. She soared to her toes. Several strands of hair, escaped from her bun, itched her face. She leapt.

Yusuf caught her waist, yanking her back against his upper body. Her hands circled up and around his neck. Her toes didn’t even brush the ground. In one powerful thrust, he tossed her into the air. She couldn’t help but smile at the ceiling. Dancing with him was something different. Special.

She arched, composing her expression into the sadness it ought to convey, but underneath her mask, she pulsed with pleasure. Yusuf lowered her to the ground and gently undid her hair. He ran his fingers through the strands, pausing to admire the glint of the blonde curls under the heady yellow lights mimicking sunshine.

The violin solo picked up. It grew sharper. Off. Kaylee tensed, whipping her head to the side when Yusuf bent to kiss her. Her heart raced, faster than the physical exertion warranted. It attacked her ribcage like it wanted to escape her chest. Ridiculous. Hearts were not capable of independent thought.

Still, as Robert entered stage left, his face crumpling in rage, muscles tensed for a fight, she didn’t have to fake the apprehension replacing her excitement.

She kept up with the choreography, but that agitated melody continued. She opened her mouth as the flutes screeched a terrified high G-note. Hair caught in her mouth, filling her tongue with a dry starchy flavor. She tried to push apart Yusuf and Robert. They brandished old-fashioned guns. Her head pounded. She grimaced as Yusuf’s gun popped. The blare rang in her ears. On cue, a red stain began its slow spread from beneath her right breast.

Clutching the wound, she stumbled forward, a little too far forward. She wondered what a real gunshot would feel like. Did they hurt?
All right, I'm done rambling now. Thank you!
:) Kat
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dayanastockdale
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Joined: September 19th, 2010, 9:10 pm
Location: Grass Valley, California
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Re: Crit partner needed for YA Dystopian

Post by dayanastockdale » September 23rd, 2010, 6:27 pm

I just did a post in this same section. Check it out for a description of my book. I'd be interested in swapping the first 50 pgs, seeing how it works out, if we're both getting something out of the swap, and take it from there. What do you think?

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