The Ninth Addict p 65ish

[Watcher55]

Thrice three hundred years having run their course of fulfillments,
Rome by the strife of her people shall perish. Oracle

Augustus had established the Vigilis, the Watch, almost sixty years ago. It functioned primarily as a fire-fighting unit with limited police authority. It was evolving into a paramilitary unit made up of seven cohorts. Since the reign of Tiberius, any free man surviving a six-year term was granted Roman citizenship. Over the next nine days, the Watch would lose a third of the city at a relatively low cost to its own ranks.

The Prefect of the Watch, Plotius Firmus, held his position at a most unfortunate time. He answered directly to Nero. As the commander of thousands of men of no rank, he knew what went on in the Subura, the small places crowded around and between the seven hills. He knew plebs talked more than they thought, but the rumors he had heard lately were too consistent to be ignored. The maddening thing was that he was helpless to do a thing about them. It would have meant going up against the Praetorian Prefect as well as the Emperor. Even some of the men he commanded had more influence with this emperor than Plotius did. Plotius had come to hate the fat little monster. How had he survived this long? He comforted himself with the thought that he couldn’t survive much longer. The question this night was whether Rome would survive him.

Nero was in Antium and the festivals and the upcoming games had swelled the number of people in the city. Plotius stood outside the barracks of the third cohort just southwest of the Praetorian Camp; he didn’t need an auger to tell him terrible things would happen tonight. The full moon and all the stars, all the gods, must have been out tonight. “Come to watch the show?” he asked them. A rat, the vanguard of hordes, ran across his boot as the stars in the southern sky blinked out one by one.

[Fenris]

Hi Watcher,

Hmm. The title suggests this was taken from around page 65, but it seems like you're introducing a new character. Is the Ninth Addict taken from different POVs?

As for the overall excerpt, it definitely seems like a pretty neat premise. Parts of it read slightly like a synopsis, though, especially:

Over the next nine days, the Watch would lose a third of the city at a relatively low cost to its own ranks.

Is there an external, 3rd person omniscient narrator, or is this bit from Plotius' POV? If it's the latter, how does he know what's going to happen? I saw the Oracle quote above--does she tell him?

I understand this is an excerpt, though, so it's a good thing if it raises questions. It leaves us wanting to know more. :)

[Watcher55]

Hi Watcher,

Hmm. The title suggests this was taken from around page 65, but it seems like you're introducing a new character. Is the Ninth Addict taken from different POVs?

As for the overall excerpt, it definitely seems like a pretty neat premise. Parts of it read slightly like a synopsis, though, especially:

Over the next nine days, the Watch would lose a third of the city at a relatively low cost to its own ranks.

Is there an external, 3rd person omniscient narrator, or is this bit from Plotius' POV? If it's the latter, how does he know what's going to happen? I saw the Oracle quote above--does she tell him?

I understand this is an excerpt, though, so it's a good thing if it raises questions. It leaves us wanting to know more. :)

It's third person selective omniscient (that's a thing isn't it?). This is the chapter that introduces the reader to one of native guides (The historical part of historical sci-fi if you will). Thanks for the input.

[Fenris]

It's third person selective omniscient (that's a thing isn't it?).

I think I see what you mean. You have access to all the characters' thoughts rather than just one, but there are still some things hidden from you (or at least the reader).

This is the chapter that introduces the reader to one of native guides (The historical part of historical sci-fi if you will).

So it is a POV switch, to a new character? Okay, that's fine then.

Thanks for the input.

No prob, glad I could help.

[Watcher55]

Parts of it read slightly like a synopsis

I couldn't help but to be bothered by this comment (and that's a good thing) but I was too close to it to understand why until I looked at just the first paragraph and said, "yawn".

While it isn't the beginning of the book, it is the first time Plotius appears and he deserves to be treated like a page one character.

Thrice three hundred years having run their course of fulfillments,
Rome by the strife of her people shall perish. Oracle

The Prefect of the Watch, Plotius Firmus, held his position at a most unfortunate time. He answered directly to Nero. As the commander of seven thousand plebian firefighters, most of whom had joined the Watch on the promise of full citizenship after a six-year term of service, Plotius knew what went on in the small places crowded around the seven hills. He also knew plebs talked more than they thought, but the rumors he had heard lately were too consistent to be ignored. The maddening thing was that he was helpless to do a thing about them. It would have meant going up against the Praetorian Prefect as well as the Emperor. Even some of the men Plotius commanded had more influence with this emperor than he did. He hated the fat little monster. How he had survived this long was a question for another time. The question this night was whether Rome would survive him. Over the next nine days, Plotius seven thousand men would lose a third of the city at a relatively low cost to their own numbers.

Nero was in Antium; and the festivals and upcoming games had swelled the number of people in the city. He didn’t need an auger to tell him terrible things would happen tonight. He stood outside the barracks of the third cohort just southwest of the Praetorian Camp. The full moon and all the stars, all the gods, must have been out tonight. “Come to watch the show?” he asked them. A rat, the vanguard of hordes, ran across his boot as the stars in the southern sky blinked out one by one.

The deep blue-black field of the sky began to fade behind a pale orange curtain that reached upward and turned the moon red. He strained to hear the tones of the trumpet that would call the fifth and sixth cohorts to action. Nothing. “Dis Pater.” He turned slightly at the waist, “Now.” Without a word, one of several servants retreated into the compound behind him.

[Fenris]

You're absolutely right. Plus, the new paragraph at the end here establishes further tension ("What's going to happen?"). I have to say, this sentence (it was in the earlier version too) really grabs me:

A rat, the vanguard of hordes, ran across his boot as the stars in the southern sky blinked out one by one.

If I wrote like that all the time I'd have it made. I think we all would. :)