Untitled manuscript

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Krystata
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Joined: May 15th, 2017, 2:56 pm
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Untitled manuscript

Post by Krystata » June 17th, 2017, 12:54 pm

Hi!
I'm new here. Can't wait to dive into the editing! Offering up the prologue of my untitled manuscript. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks so much!
Amy

Prologue
Speedie

September was always my favorite month. The crisp breeze accentuated the auburn flame of the trees as it crinkled through them. I flared my nostrils, sighing deeply as I turned away from the glow of the leaves, the wind catching my black mane. She sits there, tears in her eyes, watching me intently as she whispers to me softly
“Speedie,” her voice pleads with me, filled with an unmistakable ache.
I whuffle softly as I hobble toward her, favoring my left hind leg. Dropping my head to her lap, I feel her face in my mane, the sobs wracking her body. She breathes deeply, and I know she’s taking in my scent. The same as I take in hers. She smells of the sweet alfalfa she placed in my enclosure earlier, and I know I will carry this memory with me into eternity.
I rub my upper lip against her cheek, meaning it as comfort, but realizing it falls short. Nibbling at the ends of her hair, I rest my leg. Her sorrow fills my soul and I’ve no means to soothe her. I wish I could have made the choice for her, and in some ways, I was her guide- much as she has been mine. I pull away to gaze into her eyes, feeling her soft touch on my face. So much kindness, so much love.
We both turn at the sound of tires on the gravel driveway. I expect her to pull away now but instead, she wraps her arms around my neck. “I love you, Speedie. Please forgive me.”
My whicker is a whisper in her ear. Oh, my dear, Amy, how my heart aches for you. All is forgiven. You will always be my person. Forever. Even if all we had was a moment in time.
She rises ever so slowly, and reaches for the beautiful leather halter, engraved with my name, which I had always worn with pride. It was time.

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J. T. SHEA
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Re: Untitled manuscript

Post by J. T. SHEA » June 18th, 2017, 12:12 am

A prologue from the POV of a horse! Unusual but very effective. And I can find nothing to correct. I'm not a horse person but I would read on. Thanks for this, Amy.

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J. T. SHEA
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Re: Untitled manuscript

Post by J. T. SHEA » June 18th, 2017, 12:15 am

Grammarly insists that 'prologue' is English English and 'prolog' is American English, but I think it's just being pernickety!

Krystata
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Joined: May 15th, 2017, 2:56 pm
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Re: Untitled manuscript

Post by Krystata » June 26th, 2017, 10:34 pm

Thanks SO much! Greatly appreciated!

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