Need a plot fix? What do you guys think?

Ugh. You got stuck writing a synopsis. Help is on the way.
Preacher
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Re: Need a plot fix? What do you guys think?

Post by Preacher » September 16th, 2010, 3:36 pm

Well, given the new angle you guys helped me put together, the reworking of PREACHER'S BLOOD is coming along nicely. Without tons of science bogging me down and without the need to have to explain the purpose of these babies other than to make money on the black market, the story seems to be working itself out for me. It feels much easier to get into it and i am kind of anxious to see how it ends.

thanks again D.S. and i hope at some point soon i can get this shined up and ready to query. I even have an idea in my head of how the query will start. It is not quite finished, of course, but this might be part of it:

Gavin Preacher has not really made peace with the disappearance of his sister but he is learning to accept it. He's funneled all his frsutration and energy into helping people as a Social Worker.

A month later the flame of hope is rekindled when a strange woman shows up at his job and says Sara is still alive and needs his help before it is too late. Before Preacher can get more answers, the woman jumps off the top of the building.

So, how is that for the start of a query?

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D.S. Deshaw
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Re: Need a plot fix? What do you guys think?

Post by D.S. Deshaw » September 16th, 2010, 7:05 pm

I'm glad to hear the writing is going well :)
Preacher wrote:Gavin Preacher has not really made peace with the disappearance of his sister but he is learning to accept it. He's funneled all his frsutration and energy into helping people as a Social Worker.

A month later the flame of hope is rekindled when a strange woman shows up at his job and says Sara is still alive and needs his help before it is too late. Before Preacher can get more answers, the woman jumps off the top of the building.

So, how is that for the start of a query?
I would combine these sentences into something with more impact:

A strange woman shows up to Gavin Preacher's work and tells him that his missing sister is alive before she jumps off the roof.

I'm not an expert at querying, but this way the back story (how he became a SW and making peace with his sister's disappearance) is a bit more implied. You start with the actual action and where the story is starting in your book, and it has a lot of impact that way. An agent (hopefully) will want to know about his missing sister and about why this woman jumped off the roof. Then you'll answer those questions within your short summary describing Preacher's conflict and what's at stake :)

It's never too late to start working up a query. I started working on a query before I was even halfway finished with my first book (which is still a WIP) and it made me notice a few rough spots in my actual plot. So don't think it's too early! There's also a lot of great people here that critique queries--and they do a fantastic job in my opinion.
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Preacher
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Re: Need a plot fix? What do you guys think?

Post by Preacher » September 17th, 2010, 1:39 am

D.S. - not a bad idea, actually.

Before jumping off the roof, a strange woman tells Gavin Preacher his missing sister is alive and needs his help.

False hope is dangerous to a man who desperately wants to believe, but Preacher has no choice. He can't just dismiss the possibility that the woman was telling the truth, no matter what the cost.

Preacher
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Re: Need a plot fix? What do you guys think?

Post by Preacher » September 17th, 2010, 1:40 am

D.S. - not a bad idea, actually.

Before jumping off the roof, a strange woman tells Gavin Preacher his missing sister is alive and needs his help.

False hope is dangerous to a man who desperately wants to believe, but Preacher has no choice. He can't just dismiss the possibility that the woman was telling the truth, no matter what the cost.

Preacher
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Need a piece in a chain of evidence .....

Post by Preacher » September 22nd, 2010, 8:53 am

I need help putting a piece of an evidence chain into play in my WIP. I have PREACHER'S missing sister. There is the woman who came and said she needs his help and then jumps off the roof. So, he investigates her apartment and finds some internet research which leads him to find that the jumper did, in fact, recently give birth even though she was thought to be fertile.

Next, he tracks down fertility clinics in the area and she ends up having visiting one but the doctors told her they could not help.

Then, Preacher revisits his sister's circumstances. The ex-boyfriend tells how she became withdrawn and broke up with him and so on and so forth. Here is where the next piece of the evidence chain comes in. I need something that he can connect with during investigating his sister that will also connect her with the clinic or some evidence piece that will fill in a piece.

Originally, i thought about using the fact that he realizes that the girl who jumped and his sister's bills have been paid even though they are missing. Maybe trace the payments through a number of dummy corportaions and find the bad guy and also find that the bad guys happens to be a primary owner of the fertility clinic the girls went too.

Does that work? ANy suggestions?

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