Query critique for THE FINAL CLUE

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Cher
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Joined: July 4th, 2012, 8:58 pm
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Query critique for THE FINAL CLUE

Post by Cher » September 25th, 2012, 12:48 pm

Dear Mr. Bransford,

FBI agent Gina Russo wants to slam the person threatening her life into a wall spiked with nails, but she doesn't know who the bastard is or why he wants her dead.

Top-notch, agent Joey Zicara is assigned as Gina’s partner when bizarre poems containing enigmatic clues arrive at her front door, signed by a Mr. WNM. It seems WNM knows everything about her from the scent of her perfume to the heartbreak of her life that still stings like hell.

Gina’s not about to let anyone get away with threatening her life and she’s not about to allow some agent with dimples that can captivate any woman, into her life. She’s on a mission; decipher the poems, identify, find and arrest Mr. WNM, and then deal with Joey later if she doesn't end up dead.

THE FINAL CLUE: A suspense novel with a touch of romance complete at 99,000 words.


Working in law enforcement for the past 24 years inspired me to write this novel. What made it so exciting to do is that the characters seemed to come to life each and every time I sat at the computer to write. This was an amazing experience.


Thanks for your consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.

Cheryl Iadonisi

Suzaan
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Joined: October 3rd, 2014, 8:13 am
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Re: Query critique for THE FINAL CLUE

Post by Suzaan » October 3rd, 2014, 8:20 am

find and arrest Mr. WNM, and then deal with Joey later if she doesn't end up dead.

Amy Baker
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Joined: January 6th, 2015, 1:28 pm
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Re: Query critique for THE FINAL CLUE

Post by Amy Baker » January 6th, 2015, 1:33 pm

Very stylish and sharp beginning. A few comments for consideration: (1) Gina’s not about to let anyone get away with threatening her life and she’s not about to allow some agent with dimples that can captivate any woman, into her life. This sentence seems too long and loses its punch. Consider breaking into two sentences. (2) Working in law enforcement for the past 24 years inspired me to write this novel. What made it so exciting to do is that the characters seemed to come to life each and every time I sat at the computer to write. This was an amazing experience. This makes you sound like an amateur. Consider focusing on your experience in law enforcement rather than your experience in writing the book. Cut everything after the first sentence.

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