Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

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longknife
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Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

Post by longknife » June 20th, 2015, 1:49 pm

Walking in the Vienna Woods – with a target on his back. Bill Sampson thought the desk job in an obscure office of the American embassy in Vienna would provide him with a three year vacation. Instead, because of a friendship with a woman who's a member of the Austrian state police, he finds himself in receipt of extremely sensitive and disturbingly accurate information from an unknown source.

Without realizing it, he and Ursula, his Stapo friend, are watching the end of the Cold War – and the slow burn bringing about major changes in the Islamic world that will set the entire Middle East on fire.

Waltzing in the Shadows is set in beautiful Vienna, home of some of the friendlies people in Europe.
Drop by Father Serra's Legacy http://msgdaleday.blogspot.com. Comments always eagerly awaited - but only if you find the item interesting enough to respond to.

LizV
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Re: Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

Post by LizV » July 21st, 2015, 2:18 pm

I'd probably give it a look, but mostly because that time period is a hobby-interest of mine. This particular story isn't pushing my buttons as hard as it could.

The sentence fragment at the beginning threw me off. Good concept, but I kept looking for the rest of the sentence that that was the opening phrase of.

I don't know why friendship with a Stapo member would cause him to receive sensitive material; the opposite seems more likely. If there's a good story behind that, maybe bring a little bit of it out in the blurb?

I do like the promised tie-in between the end of the Cold War and the rise of trouble in the Islamic world. Also, "Waltzing in the Shadows" is a terrific title.

longknife
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Re: Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

Post by longknife » July 21st, 2015, 5:02 pm

LizV wrote:I'd probably give it a look, but mostly because that time period is a hobby-interest of mine. This particular story isn't pushing my buttons as hard as it could.

The sentence fragment at the beginning threw me off. Good concept, but I kept looking for the rest of the sentence that that was the opening phrase of.

I don't know why friendship with a Stapo member would cause him to receive sensitive material; the opposite seems more likely. If there's a good story behind that, maybe bring a little bit of it out in the blurb?

I do like the promised tie-in between the end of the Cold War and the rise of trouble in the Islamic world. Also, "Waltzing in the Shadows" is a terrific title.
Thanks for the response. Here's the final blurb as it appears on Amazon.com

Bill Sampson thought the desk job in an obscure office of the American embassy in Vienna would be a three year vacation. Instead, he finds himself walking in the Vienna Woods – with a target on his back. His casual friend, Ursula Weber turns out to be an Inspector in the Austrian state police. She gives him extremely accurate and sensitive information from an unknown source.

Some people high up in the Carter administration find the information threatening and send out a team to find and stop the flow of information. It is only when the new Reagan administration comes to power that Bill and Ursula are free of the threats to their lives.

Without realizing it, he and Ursula are watching the end of the Cold War – and the slow burn that will bring about major changes in the Islamic world to set the Middle East on fire.

Waltzing in the Shadows is about a secret society, intrigue, spy traps, hurt and anger at being used, and a budding romance when a friend comes to ease the pain – as predicted by a Gypsy fortune teller.
Drop by Father Serra's Legacy http://msgdaleday.blogspot.com. Comments always eagerly awaited - but only if you find the item interesting enough to respond to.

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hesperus_lux
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Re: Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

Post by hesperus_lux » September 3rd, 2015, 3:05 pm

This second treatment is much, much better.
Also, I find that reading things out loud helps when writing a blurb or any sort of advertising copy. The language in these pieces should be simple and punchy.

Compare this:
A janitor finds himself in a life threatening situation after agreeing to hold a bag handed to him by a pretty secretary in the elevator where he works.

With this:
Hold a bag for a pretty girl, why not? Now he's fighting for his life and he doesn't even know why.


I think most would agree that the second is more compelling even if it isn't as substantive.
“Nothing is exactly as it seems, nor is it otherwise.”
- Alan Watts

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herro raymond
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Re: Does this Blurb Make You Want to Read the Novel?

Post by herro raymond » February 18th, 2016, 4:59 pm

I think for the target audience you are going for, they would want to give it a look. Its a very specific niche, though. Your genre isn't easy, so I take my hat off to you for going for it. The query is well written, but maybe add more suspense and peril for the protag. I wish you the best of luck.

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