YA Query—FB

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YA Query—FB

Postby TaylorNapolsky » 08 Nov 2012, 23:41

Hi everyone.

I was hoping I could get some feedback on this query. Particularly, I'm wondering if the plot is clear. But any other advice in general is much appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Dear ,

There is another world inside Facebook—a place where people come into existence when their real-world counterparts start an account. People aren’t supposed to get inside, but when seventeen-year-old tech head Coulter Parra finds a clunky, old-fashioned computer in his kitchen, it sucks him in. Coulter has nothing but a camcorder and cell phone in hand, but in FB, these everyday items become treasures.

Zero is the despot of Facebook. A tyrant with total control, he is untouchable, riding high above the masses on a machine that keeps him out of reach. He wants to know how Coulter got inside. If you die in FB, you die in real life, and Zero will kill Coulter’s friends and family, unless Coulter agrees to help fix this glitch. But that means he’ll be tortured, thrown in the Design Chair, and inevitably killed.

Coulter can’t let his family get murdered, and he won’t submit to torture. His video camera burns holes through Zero’s guards, and his phone lets his wounds heal rapidly, boosts his speed to move in a blur, and immerses the world in darkness that only he can penetrate—but none of this may be enough. He discovers three anomalies, people who got inside like him. Those in FB hate their dictator, the anomalies have been waiting for a chance to take out Zero, and in Coulter—with his phone and camera—they finally have power to be a threat. They have to kill Zero, and then—maybe—Coulter can find a way out.

FB is a YA fantasy novel, complete at 83,000 words. I have a novella coming out this year with Eirelander Publishing.

Thank you for your consideration.

Taylor Napolsky
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Re: YA Query—FB

Postby wilderness » 27 Nov 2012, 13:24

I think it sounds cool! My only concern is the legality of using Facebook -- why not just call it the Social Network or something? Also, I don't love the name "FB" -- seems like you could come up with something cooler. Other than that, I think the query is very well written. Good luck!
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Re: YA Query—FB

Postby Shipple » 20 Dec 2012, 07:09

Hey there, Taylor, I think wilderness is right. This is a well-written, really interesting sounding premise, but there may be issues with using Facebook rather than some made up social media site.

And I just wanted to tell you, I actually avoided looking at this query for a while b/c I have a visceral, ugh sort of sensation when I hear anything about facebook. For many of us, FB is associated with those annoying, teen-speakers who you mostly want to avoid. And then there have been all of the privacy issues lately. I don't think many of us view FB favorably even if we still have it (although I may be wrong on that count). I even use FB (albeit sporadically) b/c I want to keep up with some people, but I avoid it whenever possible, and there are SO MANY BABIES on my FB right now (that should tell you my age range - and I do mean literal baby pictures posted by their proud mamas. Babies, I might add, with ridiculous names.).

So I may be wrong, but I think that by using Facebook (in addition to potential legality issues) you may be setting the wrong tone for your book. I'm sorry, I know this is not very query specific, but I just can't get past the whole FB thing, and I really think that others may have the same issue.

But when I attempt to block out the FB, I think your query is very well written and does sound interesting. Oh, and you asked about plot. I definitely felt like I got a good handle on the plot and that it sounds like you have very motivating circumstances and an interesting world for your hero.
"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much." - J.K. Rowling (an awesome opening line)
Me: http://sarahhipple.blogspot.com/ and http://shipple.tumblr.com/
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Re: YA Query—FB

Postby TaylorNapolsky » 28 Dec 2012, 18:27

Hi Shipple,

Thanks for your feedback. The only thing I had trouble with is—I'm not sure what a teen speaker is. I googled it and all I could come up with is a motivational speaker for teens. Is this what you meant? And—from your experience—do you see a lot of these motivational speaker types on Facebook (genuine question)?

Also, you mentioned baby pictures, which I figure perhaps puts you about my age (30), but I'm not sure of this. Around how old are you? I'm just uncertain because you mentioned babies, but also teen-speakers. If you don't feel comfortable answering that, that's fine.

Anyway, thanks again for your help!

Taylor
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Re: YA Query—FB

Postby Shipple » 29 Dec 2012, 17:41

Yes, I'm around thirty.

Sorry I obviously confused you. I wasn't clear enough. I meant "teen speak" a.k.a. using words that teens use, for example, "lol" & "that's so perf". Hold on a sec, I'll check my cousin's FB & for a good example. And here it one of the first things I saw: "Well you are sooooo pretty and super nice and probs one of my top friends that's a girl xD"
All that text speak that somehow became teens' way of communicating on facebook (although it's not limited to teens). I think that's what a lot of us associate facebook with. At least that's sort of the FB stereotype. Obviously other people use FB, but, for example, if you ever use reddit (if you're not familiar with it, it's a social media site that's got all sorts of people contributing to it) you'd be familiar with "Facebook gold". This is essentially really stupid things that people have said on Facebook. People will take FB screenshots and label it "Facebook gold" and post it so other people get a laugh out of it.

Anyway, when you use FB, this is the stereotype you're working against, and I think that by just making up your own social media site for the book, you could evade that sort of a first impression.
"Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much." - J.K. Rowling (an awesome opening line)
Me: http://sarahhipple.blogspot.com/ and http://shipple.tumblr.com/
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Re: YA Query—FB

Postby TaylorNapolsky » 07 Jan 2013, 00:02

kay thanks that was sooo super helpful foreals.

No but really that did clear things up. Thanks for the explanation!
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