like the reviewer above, what's it about? there's a lot going on; what exactly is the core of this story
Time travelling Nazis are taking over the seas. A guy called Jaime goes after them with the help of a beautiful woman, but has to become his game character to do this?
is that right?
(btw - like the idea)
Meeting of the Waters - query request
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
The core of the story is that a guy travels to Brazil to help out an ex-girlfriend in trouble, and in the process falls in love with the Brazilian woman who is acting as his guide, but due to the looming conflict between their countries they both convince themselves it won't work. When the girl gets in trouble, though, the guy goes to her aid, and in the process comes to realize that they both want to be together.
The video game provides a linking narrative. The guy and girl both play the game, and the ex-girlfriend who is in trouble works for the company that makes it. The antagonist of the story is a shock-and-awe style politician who is using military pressure to try to get Brazilian oil; he also plays one of the time traveling Nazis in the video game. The climax of the novel uses the game to tie together the romance with the political conflict, and give everyone a fun, blockbuster-esque resolution.
There's a strong element of how we are influenced by others, such that our 'choices' are already mostly made for us. In the real world, peer pressure, media bias, and bits of propaganda make the guy and girl feel that their relationship is impossible, even though they really dig each other. The game, likewise, rewards certain behaviors (if you study modern video game design, you'll see how amazingly good these folks are getting at keeping you hooked to play). The guy stands out because he recognizes the extent of all these influences, and he often bucks them.
Quick Video Game Explanation:
In the real world, Jaime's just an EMT who recently got laid off. But Jaime plays an online video game - Ages: High Seas - which is sort of like World of Warcraft with pirates.
If you know anything about MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games), you know that they don't usually have much of a plot, because they're designed to keep you playing, and it's hard to have a plot when you can just restart after your character dies. Most tension is in the short-term. The appeal of the Ages games is that they have both the normal style of "play, die, respawn, try again" game play, plus a 'History' server. You can take your character from a normal server and play him or her on the History server, but if that character gets injured, loses his favorite sword, dies, etc., there's no respawning. You can still play the character on the original server, but you only get one shot on the History server.
To balance out the increased lethality, the History server's game AI is designed to provide Plot Immunity of sorts to those characters who are most popular. Other players can follow your character, like following a Twitter feed, so they can watch your exploits. Most characters aren't that interesting to watch, but some folks become minor celebrities. The game has multiple plot threads going on at once (I only focus on one in the novel, but the actual game would need many to keep millions of players satisfied), and it rewards you for playing along with these plots. You can always go off and do your own thing, but you're more likely to die that way.
The company that makes Ages: High Seas has several other Ages games -- Dawn of Time, Chivalry's Blade, Steam & Steel, and World War, among others. What sparks the beginning of the novel is that the company does a crossover between High Seas and World War, which is where the time traveling Nazis come in. Jaime gets disgruntled (as fans are apt to do), and even though his character is one of the most popular in High Seas, he quits.
Alê (the girl) likes the crossover, and her character is trying to stop the time-traveling Nazis.
The video game provides a linking narrative. The guy and girl both play the game, and the ex-girlfriend who is in trouble works for the company that makes it. The antagonist of the story is a shock-and-awe style politician who is using military pressure to try to get Brazilian oil; he also plays one of the time traveling Nazis in the video game. The climax of the novel uses the game to tie together the romance with the political conflict, and give everyone a fun, blockbuster-esque resolution.
There's a strong element of how we are influenced by others, such that our 'choices' are already mostly made for us. In the real world, peer pressure, media bias, and bits of propaganda make the guy and girl feel that their relationship is impossible, even though they really dig each other. The game, likewise, rewards certain behaviors (if you study modern video game design, you'll see how amazingly good these folks are getting at keeping you hooked to play). The guy stands out because he recognizes the extent of all these influences, and he often bucks them.
Quick Video Game Explanation:
In the real world, Jaime's just an EMT who recently got laid off. But Jaime plays an online video game - Ages: High Seas - which is sort of like World of Warcraft with pirates.
If you know anything about MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games), you know that they don't usually have much of a plot, because they're designed to keep you playing, and it's hard to have a plot when you can just restart after your character dies. Most tension is in the short-term. The appeal of the Ages games is that they have both the normal style of "play, die, respawn, try again" game play, plus a 'History' server. You can take your character from a normal server and play him or her on the History server, but if that character gets injured, loses his favorite sword, dies, etc., there's no respawning. You can still play the character on the original server, but you only get one shot on the History server.
To balance out the increased lethality, the History server's game AI is designed to provide Plot Immunity of sorts to those characters who are most popular. Other players can follow your character, like following a Twitter feed, so they can watch your exploits. Most characters aren't that interesting to watch, but some folks become minor celebrities. The game has multiple plot threads going on at once (I only focus on one in the novel, but the actual game would need many to keep millions of players satisfied), and it rewards you for playing along with these plots. You can always go off and do your own thing, but you're more likely to die that way.
The company that makes Ages: High Seas has several other Ages games -- Dawn of Time, Chivalry's Blade, Steam & Steel, and World War, among others. What sparks the beginning of the novel is that the company does a crossover between High Seas and World War, which is where the time traveling Nazis come in. Jaime gets disgruntled (as fans are apt to do), and even though his character is one of the most popular in High Seas, he quits.
Alê (the girl) likes the crossover, and her character is trying to stop the time-traveling Nazis.
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
Latest version
Dear Nathan Bransford,
Pirates versus time-traveling Nazis. That’s the latest gimmick of the multiplayer online video game Ages: High Seas, and it’s the reason Jaime Adricks quits playing, even though his pirate character was close to defeating the game’s archvillain. Jaime thinks time travel is cheesy.
He won’t be able to stay away long, though. His suicidal ex-girlfriend calls for help from Brazil, which in the run up to the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics seethes with civil discontent as an international crisis brews off its coast. To navigate the volatile country and bring his old lover home, Jaime accepts the aid of Alessandra “Alê” Rocha, a beautiful Brazilian gamer whose World War II superspy character just recently smuggled her way into the 17th century Caribbean aboard a time-traveling U-Boat.
Between dodging anti-American protesters, irate airline clerks, and tech-savvy Amazonian brigands, Jaime starts to fall for this woman who claims to possess faerie powers and who wants his help to sink a fleet of internet Nazis. But with the media stoking the fires of war and an apparition of his missing ex-girlfriend blaming him for her death, Jaime must weave between a digital fantasy and a reality more magical than he ever believed if he’s going to protect the spirit of Olympic brotherhood, win Alê’s heart, and kick those damned swastika-wearing anachronisms out of the game he loves.
MEETING OF THE WATERS is a 113,000-word modern fantasy novel. The role-playing game website http://www.enworld.org is publishing my WAR OF THE BURNING SKY fantasy novel as a serialized column. I have written two dozen game products that have been published (some in print, most online) by companies including Paizo, Goodman Games, and E.N. Publishing.
I’m querying you because I’ve been eagerly awaiting your client Lisa Brackmann’s ROCK PAPER TIGER, which shares the online role-playing game element with my novel. Also, after all the advice you have offered on your blog, and all the aid I’ve received from posters on your forums, it would be an honor to be represented by you. I dig your style, sir.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ryan Nock
Dear Nathan Bransford,
Pirates versus time-traveling Nazis. That’s the latest gimmick of the multiplayer online video game Ages: High Seas, and it’s the reason Jaime Adricks quits playing, even though his pirate character was close to defeating the game’s archvillain. Jaime thinks time travel is cheesy.
He won’t be able to stay away long, though. His suicidal ex-girlfriend calls for help from Brazil, which in the run up to the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics seethes with civil discontent as an international crisis brews off its coast. To navigate the volatile country and bring his old lover home, Jaime accepts the aid of Alessandra “Alê” Rocha, a beautiful Brazilian gamer whose World War II superspy character just recently smuggled her way into the 17th century Caribbean aboard a time-traveling U-Boat.
Between dodging anti-American protesters, irate airline clerks, and tech-savvy Amazonian brigands, Jaime starts to fall for this woman who claims to possess faerie powers and who wants his help to sink a fleet of internet Nazis. But with the media stoking the fires of war and an apparition of his missing ex-girlfriend blaming him for her death, Jaime must weave between a digital fantasy and a reality more magical than he ever believed if he’s going to protect the spirit of Olympic brotherhood, win Alê’s heart, and kick those damned swastika-wearing anachronisms out of the game he loves.
MEETING OF THE WATERS is a 113,000-word modern fantasy novel. The role-playing game website http://www.enworld.org is publishing my WAR OF THE BURNING SKY fantasy novel as a serialized column. I have written two dozen game products that have been published (some in print, most online) by companies including Paizo, Goodman Games, and E.N. Publishing.
I’m querying you because I’ve been eagerly awaiting your client Lisa Brackmann’s ROCK PAPER TIGER, which shares the online role-playing game element with my novel. Also, after all the advice you have offered on your blog, and all the aid I’ve received from posters on your forums, it would be an honor to be represented by you. I dig your style, sir.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Ryan Nock
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
I'm liking it, Ryan. This query is rich with imagery and it's exciting. Possibly a tch long but I won't quibble. It wears its length well and pulled me along all the way through.
And, like you, I'm awaiting Rock Paper Tiger after reading the online excerpt. Didn't know it was about gaming, too.
Good luck!
And, like you, I'm awaiting Rock Paper Tiger after reading the online excerpt. Didn't know it was about gaming, too.
Good luck!
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
Ryan,
I like the letter, with minor quibbles. Foremost, this is a formal letter; the greeting should be "Dear Mr. Bransford", although the period in Mister can be dropped if you're using the Queen's English.
Secondly, this does run long. I haven't counted the words because it REALLY reads well. I, an internet observer and one day querier, didn't mind at all because, well, hell, I only have to read the handful of queries that I want to, and don't have to do it as a job. I wonder whether an agent seeing this much text might groan a little mentally. I don't know. So, let us see if there are places where a few words can be cut.
Your opening paragraph: When most people see the word pirate, they think of the classical, *ahem* Caribbean, style guys; Nazi's obviously invoke 20th Century imagery. The leading time-traveling is therefore probably safe to cut. Also, the "it's" in the second clause of the second sentence is actually redundant and safe for cutting. "That's" already contains the verb "to be" and so it doesn't need to be repeated later on. (Look, that's 3 (or 4, if you explode the contraction) words cut already!)
Second paragraph: Pretty solid, and despite the fact that too many people place too many commas in their work, you actually left out a set: "...in the run up..." is a parenthetical, so you need a comma after "which" and and after "Olympics".
Third paragraph: I don't think that I prefer the word "between" to start off this list. A simple "while" would do the trick better. You could probably also ditch the "anti-American" in protesters; Jaime was never labeled as an American to begin with. Also, do the airline clerks figure heavily or was their inclusion for a bit of comic relief? The second "who" in the second clause is redundant, safe to eliminate. I like the phrase "damned swastika-wearing anachronisms."
Also, I totally dig "I dig your style, sir."
So, I guess, I only can point to a few things that SHOULD be cut, and those for grammatical reasons. I think you've written a nice piece. I don't know how you might shorten it more without losing what makes your work unique. If you're lucky, it'll hit his inbox on a day when he hasn't received too many others.
~Serzen
I like the letter, with minor quibbles. Foremost, this is a formal letter; the greeting should be "Dear Mr. Bransford", although the period in Mister can be dropped if you're using the Queen's English.
Secondly, this does run long. I haven't counted the words because it REALLY reads well. I, an internet observer and one day querier, didn't mind at all because, well, hell, I only have to read the handful of queries that I want to, and don't have to do it as a job. I wonder whether an agent seeing this much text might groan a little mentally. I don't know. So, let us see if there are places where a few words can be cut.
Your opening paragraph: When most people see the word pirate, they think of the classical, *ahem* Caribbean, style guys; Nazi's obviously invoke 20th Century imagery. The leading time-traveling is therefore probably safe to cut. Also, the "it's" in the second clause of the second sentence is actually redundant and safe for cutting. "That's" already contains the verb "to be" and so it doesn't need to be repeated later on. (Look, that's 3 (or 4, if you explode the contraction) words cut already!)
Second paragraph: Pretty solid, and despite the fact that too many people place too many commas in their work, you actually left out a set: "...in the run up..." is a parenthetical, so you need a comma after "which" and and after "Olympics".
Third paragraph: I don't think that I prefer the word "between" to start off this list. A simple "while" would do the trick better. You could probably also ditch the "anti-American" in protesters; Jaime was never labeled as an American to begin with. Also, do the airline clerks figure heavily or was their inclusion for a bit of comic relief? The second "who" in the second clause is redundant, safe to eliminate. I like the phrase "damned swastika-wearing anachronisms."
Also, I totally dig "I dig your style, sir."
So, I guess, I only can point to a few things that SHOULD be cut, and those for grammatical reasons. I think you've written a nice piece. I don't know how you might shorten it more without losing what makes your work unique. If you're lucky, it'll hit his inbox on a day when he hasn't received too many others.
~Serzen
Il en est des livres comme du feu de nos foyers; on va prendre ce feu chez son voisin, on l’allume chez soi, on le communique à d’autres, et il appartient à tous. --Voltaire
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
Thank you much, guys and gals. And yes, the airline clerk is a bit of humor, but it has a fairly significant consequence.
Nathan already passed on it, alas, but he has thus displayed his great kindness by allowing other agents the chance to represent it. ;)
Nathan already passed on it, alas, but he has thus displayed his great kindness by allowing other agents the chance to represent it. ;)
Re: Meeting of the Waters - query request
I've been reading queries without replying for a while... but this one SO caught my interest that I had to say so. I would buy this book. I would expect something like De Lint with a gamer twist, an idea I feel very intriguing. Are there any tie-ins to your actual gaming properties? (I'm hoping you say yes, but as a reader-who-loves-extendible-worlds, not as an agent, 'cause I'm not one.) I would definitely ask for a partial, though I admit I'd be looking to be certain your character development was as strong as your world building.
Good luck!
S
Good luck!
S
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