Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Excellent suggestions from Lachrymal and Jessica Peter. All I can add is that the second paragraph is very long and easily subdivided.

Sounds like good material for a novel, Margot:- 'Stand back, you Neanderthals!' Margot shouted, defying the congregation/mob. 'Or I'll put you in my book!' They don't stand back, of course. So you do put them in your book. And then they burn it. Think of the free publicity! Even more so if they burn...

Gladly the cross-eyed bear?

You ARE worthy, Imitchell! As Alice Cooper said to Wayne and Garth. And your first page is powerful. I assume you underlined Amazing Grace to indicate italics? Rhetorical questions? I respectfully disagree with Aimee, particularly when they express thoughts succinctly, as they do in your page. Rude,...

Don’t worry, Username, I doubt many people would mistake chapter title content pages as short story collections. I was just searching for reasons why more writers don’t use the technique. Perhaps the main reason is it’s a little more work. I keep a file of potential chapter titles for my works in pr...

You look great for 91, Kay! I must take up candlestick making. Says he, waxing lyrical...But breathing is good too.

I don’t agree with Daryl regarding THE SHINING. Kubrick’s movie was excellent but Jack Nicholson’s character Jack Torrance looked half-crazy from the start and Shelley Duvall’s Wendy Torrance was a bit of a doormat all through as well. Not much character development. No fault of the actors, by the w...

Once upon a horse Sonja feared the darkness across the river might be too deep. Sighing, she turned and found a block of cheese made of Venusian so she picked up a sword to pierce into the looming thicket. "No!" said the block of cheese! "Don't go there!" But the cheese did not k...

What did Raymond Chandler recommend? A man with a gun bursting in the door? A dead blonde on the bed? A dead blonde with a gun bursting in the door? A zombie? Bed optional.

Steppe. '...if your using this that or the other style crutch to many times in to short a span.' should presumably read '...if you're using this, that, or the other style crutch too many times in too short a span.'? And by 'as' and 'but' fetishes you really mean 'ass' and butt' fetishes? Oh, maybe n...

Once upon a horse Sonja feared the darkness across the river might be too deep. Sighing, she turned and found a block of cheese made of Venusian so she picked up a sword to pierce into the looming thicket. "No!" said the block of cheese! "Don't go there!" But the cheese did not k...

Does the wizard start his monologue with 'We've been expecting you, Mister Vitara!'? And I do hope the squirrel-like minions get their own spin-off book... Your latest draft is definitely more informative, Joel Q. I also like Ghost in the Machine's suggestions. I suggested reversing the order of 'sh...

polymath wrote:My vibrance is casted into fomenting mammock by this's message's positively advances emphasis forward over irregarding delivery method discoursing whose gooder at Interneting than all but supposably 41,999 betterses. No verve.

My thoughts exactly, Polymath!

The Federal Bureau of Idiots!? The ghost of J. Edgar Hoover will get you! Unless you really are a ghost yourself, in which case professional courtesy applies. But you're right. Only an evil person would let a child drink Coke... I like this version, attitude and all. I take it DeAngelis actively pro...

Oreos...mmmm! At the bottom of this page there's a 'Delete all board cookies' option. I wonder if you can delete them after you've eaten them...