Search found 7 matches
- November 13th, 2010, 5:37 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 11/12/10
- Replies: 16
- Views: 92503
Re: Page Critique Friday 11/12/10
Thanks for sharing your opening, Jaime. It takes a brave soul to do so. :) One thing I can say is your editing is tight in terms of grammar and spelling. Good job. :) It makes the passage easy to understand. Some novels start slow and work. But with only 250 words to grab the readers' attention, we ...
- October 30th, 2010, 11:54 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10
- Replies: 14
- Views: 21900
Re: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10
I'm with J.T. on a lot of issues. I liked the title. It's short and catchy. If I picked up a novel with that time (cover has to be eye catching also though), I'd think "Red Utopia? Hmm....I wonder" and pick it up and at least read the back blurb. I'm not a crime fan though, so you'd lose m...
- October 29th, 2010, 1:34 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10
- Replies: 14
- Views: 21900
Re: Page Critique Friday 10/29/10
Congrats, SurlyJason. :) And thanks for offering your piece up for critique. I thought this work was well written in terms of grammar and punctuation, very easy to follow. You've also done a good job adding plot to the first few words. I know girls are missing, so it gives me a sense of what the sto...
- September 24th, 2010, 3:21 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Query Critique Friday 9/24/10
- Replies: 16
- Views: 24825
Re: Query Critique Friday 9/24/10
I like the premises for your query. I think your story has a lot of potential. One suggestion I do have is consider reordering sentences and working with the sentence structure in your paragraphs. The way things are worded really takes the oomph out of such an exciting story. For Hagai's twenty-firs...
- September 10th, 2010, 1:46 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
- Replies: 33
- Views: 41113
Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
artrosch Thanks for sharing your excerpt. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there. :) My thoughts on the piece: I found the beginning to be very direct, but not very engaging. It had the feel of a joke: Three men walked into a bar... This works for getting a quick laugh but doesn't seem lik...
- September 8th, 2010, 2:39 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 453357
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: College Rock Genre: Young Adult Word count: 250 Music blared throughout the house at full blast--Pretty People by Dexter Freebish. Yep, that pretty much summed it up. They surrounded me. Only thing, I didn't want to be like them. Sometimes I was just so tired of the games the so-called "...
- August 27th, 2010, 1:28 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
- Replies: 27
- Views: 30471
Re: Page Critique Friday 8/27/10
Thanks for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself on the chopping block. I have to admit, I'm not very familiar with the omniscient POV, so I'm not sure if what you have is standard or not. Therefore, I'm not going to comment on it. I will say, I'm not sure what's going on here. It seems...