Search found 5 matches
- September 15th, 2010, 10:56 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
- Replies: 7
- Views: 2897
Re: MG Fantasy: Demas' First Task: The Prophecy of Rob
Hi EllieAnn, I don't think you are quite there with your query, yet. I'm going to do a line-by-line because that's the easiest way to point stuff out. On the day the sheep catch on fire, Demas receives his first task from the Invisible King. Demas is a Keyper of a hidden prophecy, an Old One with th...
- September 11th, 2010, 11:38 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
- Replies: 33
- Views: 40869
Re: Page Critique Friday 9/10/10
Hey artrosch, nice start here, though I think it suffers a little from trying too hard. I found your choice of words to be somewhat odd in places. Like "he stepped off the concrete pad ," "When the people had drifted away," (this didn't read well), "his legs swam " and ...
- September 3rd, 2010, 4:03 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10
- Replies: 21
- Views: 30067
Re: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10
This piece read quite well, but I was confused as to what sport Jim plays. I thought it was horse racing (steering committee - i know nothing about sport), then golf... ---- A loser? Jim was no loser, even though his brother was treating him like one. As soon as the media picked up the story, the re...
- August 16th, 2010, 9:52 am
- Forum: Procrastination
- Topic: A forum game: three word story
- Replies: 83
- Views: 28122
Re: A forum game: three word story
Once upon a horse Sonja feared the darkness across the river might be too deep. Sighing, she turned and found a block of cheese made of Venusian so she picked up a sword to pierce into the looming thicket. "No!" said the block of cheese! "Don't go there!" But the cheese did not k...
- August 16th, 2010, 9:41 am
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 451865
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: Artificer Genre: Fantasy Words: 253 * * * “We have damned the world,” Adriel said. “Come again,” Zachery said. They stopped at the pond, where Zachery fished some crumbs from his pocket and tossed them towards the ducks. Overhead, the shops and homes of the upper city clung to the walls of Dr...