Search found 32 matches
- April 19th, 2012, 6:16 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Okay, forget the last one, here's a brand new one from scratch. I think I'm improving but I'm beginning to worry I'm sacrificing my voice. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain they h...
- April 18th, 2012, 3:31 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Alright, here's a new version. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, twelve-year-old Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain her new neighbours have something to hide. Mona’s unscrupulous neighbours, the Beatniks, have unco...
- April 18th, 2012, 12:38 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Rather than them pushing her in because she discovers their secret, how about them moving into the house next to hers on the instruction of the reflection Nail on the head - that's the real reason they've moved in. Mona learns this much, much later. I'm going to take another stab at it and I'll pos...
- April 18th, 2012, 9:35 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
To answer your questions: Begs the question WHY? The couple act very suspiciously, leading Mona to believe they are up to something. What is in it for them? Why do they have this secret? What does knowing about the Other Place do for them? Their job is to stop reflections coming into Mona's world. (...
- April 16th, 2012, 5:39 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Thanks so so much for your help guys. Here's a revised version. I think I need to rework the last couple of paragraphs but I'm not entirely sure how to do so. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, twelve - but almost thirteen - year old Mona Black, the only kid resi...
- April 15th, 2012, 4:58 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Thank you jaktt12, I really appreciate the help!
- April 14th, 2012, 8:40 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
Re: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Thanks ellisrae, that helps a lot!
- April 13th, 2012, 9:41 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: After Life, Inc.
- Replies: 7
- Views: 3283
Re: Query: After Life, Inc.
Dear [insert name of agent/publisher], In a world where death is not an end, but a new beginning, 19-year-old Clara Jean Fitzgerald and 20-year-old Joshua Turner battle a corrupt system that promises a blissful and eternal after life through a computer program for anyone who can pay, while those wh...
- April 13th, 2012, 6:22 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 720
- Views: 453345
Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Title: Spurned Genre: Fantasy (Children's) Word Count: 237 If Elisa Beatnik thrived at anything, it was making bad first impressions. She had them down to an exact science. First, she'd throw on the most obnoxious outfit possible. A mink coat, a nose ring, a bleach-blond wig. Not to mention the pink...
- April 13th, 2012, 2:37 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
- Replies: 14
- Views: 6645
SPURNED - children's fantasy novel
Every family has a secret. When a peculiar couple moves in to the derelict, uninhabitable house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of the Dullest Place in the Universe, otherwise known as Wycherly Terrace, is certain they have something to hide. What she discovers is something not ...
- April 13th, 2012, 2:33 pm
- Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
- Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
- Replies: 213
- Views: 184294
Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Everybody has a secret. When a peculiar couple moves into the derelict house across the street, Mona Black, the only kid resident of Wycherly Terrace, or as Mona likes to call it, the Dullest Place in the Universe, is certain her new neighbours have something to hide. What she discovers is something...
- October 23rd, 2010, 7:41 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Share your opening sentence!
- Replies: 236
- Views: 86550
Re: Share your opening sentence!
For Mona Blackintosh's thirteenth birthday she got a crazed maniac wielding a butcher knife.
From my current WIP, a YA fantasy.
From my current WIP, a YA fantasy.
- October 10th, 2010, 7:32 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Share your opening sentence!
- Replies: 236
- Views: 86550
Re: Share your opening sentence!
I'll be interpreting "sentence" as "paragraph". This is the beginning of book 1 of my kids' fantasy adventure trilogy. THE MONSTER APPRENTICE I awoke from a dead sleep – for once, a sleep without nightmares. My bedroom was pitch black and silent, but my heart was racing. Then th...
- October 10th, 2010, 7:29 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Share your opening sentence!
- Replies: 236
- Views: 86550
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Opening sentience from my current WIP. The sun rose over the eastern horizon spreading its light over volcanic mountain glass that glistened in the sun’s rays. I have a natural aversion to books that begin with a description of the weather. And I know exactly why. They bore the hell out of me. I ho...
- October 10th, 2010, 7:25 pm
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Share your opening sentence!
- Replies: 236
- Views: 86550
Re: Share your opening sentence!
Current WIP:
It didn't take very long for Mona to come to the conclusion her father was trying to kill her.
It didn't take very long for Mona to come to the conclusion her father was trying to kill her.